The Curse Of The Kraken

There are always three sides to every story - Yours, Mine and The Truth.

It is wise not to judge anyone or anything until all the evidence has been submitted …

Those who base their judgements on one version of events are quick to jump to incomplete conclusions, but fail to see the bigger picture ...

The Kangaroo Courts

I am writing this for the benefit of all the people who have seen fit to Judge and Convict me in their Kangaroo Courts, for the death by suicide of Dan Malster - based on one side of a story (Dan’s) that you never bothered to find out the other side of (mine).  A story which he will have only told you part of because that suited his agenda and narrative.

I am sharing this so that those of you who have chosen to take sides in my family business understand that your short-sighted loyalties have contributed to a huge division which ultimately has detrimentally affected our children in a myriad of ways.

Dan and I spent close to 12 years together.  I have known him for 16 years.  

We collectively had 5 different boats, two of them we bought as family homes.

We created and free-birthed 3 beautiful children.  

And we spent many years planning our future and the future up-bringing of our children together.

I lived off-grid on my narrow boat when we first met, and immediately Dan was taken with my life-style choice of living on the water.  Our shared interest in survival, as well as living sustainably in an off-grid and low impact way were the underlying factors in our partnership and future plans.  We also fell deeply in love with each other, despite a range of other issues, which would prove to be challenging to our relationship.

I shared with him my dystopian vision of how I could see that our western society was being intentionally collapsed, with the totalitarian tip-toe of tyranny creeping ever closer, year by year.

Together we hatched a 10 year plan, a survival strategy to evade and escape this stealthy tyranny.

We had children together on the basis of the agreement that when the shit hit the fan, we would be leaving the UK and heading for somewhere safer.

This plan had a name and everything. 

We named our plan in 2016.

It was called “2020 VISION”. 

The crux of this plan was to be alert and aware of the shifting sands of Power in our Western Civilisation, and to be able to see clearly the on-coming tyranny, and leave the UK by 2020.

I could see a future where the UK government would close the borders and lock their citizens in.

I could see a future where the UK government would bring in mandatory vaccination, something I was not willing to consent to, for myself, my children, or any other citizen of our country.

As we all know, these two things have now come to pass.

I told Dan that if Mandatory Vaccination was ever brought in, that this was a non-negotiable factor for me, and would mean immediate evacuation from the country.

On this basis, over 6 years, we bought TWO sea-going boats, so that we could get off the British Isles if and when we needed to, if and when the government brought in a national lockdown or subjected its citizens to human rights abuses or crimes against humanity.  We knew that we could navigate most of the European waterways, all the way to Russia, or coastal-hop to Polynesia if needed.  

Dan acquired many international inland waterways maps, as well as starting the process of getting qualified in sea navigation, in order to facilitate this journey.

We discussed endlessly which country or part of the world would be best to head to. 

We nearly bought an organic farm in Belize together.  We also considered learning to sail, buying a yacht and starting our sailing adventures in the Caribbean.  Dan’s love of Reggae and Caribbean food always drew him to this part of the world.

I changed my whole business structure to incorporate Online Working in order to work whilst travelling.  This was several years before the world was forced to adopt Online Working as standard due to government implemented house arrest.

Dan also considered many different alternative work options, to try to incorporate the ability to earn money-on-the-move, into our family finances.

In 2016, two days after the birth of our son, Taiga Storm, our 86 foot ship arrived from Holland.  We had grown out of our third boat 'Cornelia Adriana', with the expansion of our family, and we took on the massive project of ‘Nooit Volmaakt’ (Never Perfect), that Dan chose to re-name The Kraken.

For those who are not salty sea-dog piratey boat folk - it is considered very bad luck to change the name of a boat, unless you do it when you take her out of the water.

We never took that boat out of the water.

In retrospect, I think we probably bit off way more than we could chew with The Kraken.

She was huge.  Dan cut and pasted metal for 3 years straight, converting her from a trawler fishing boat into a live-aboard barge.  The pressures of 5 of us living in the small back cabin space, the debt we had taken on to bridge our purchase of one boat until the sale of the other boat, and the emotional demands of raising 3 small wild children all took their toll on us.

Unfortunately, our relationship started to break down in 2018-19.  

And then there was the other factor…

Dan had a deep and painful darkness within him, that had been there since we first met, and I’m pretty sure had been there for a good while before.  He had a self-destructive side that showed itself as an obsessive and addictive behaviour pattern, where he would stimulate and intoxicate himself in excessive amounts, in any way possible, as a way of distracting himself from this deep, dark pain that he carried.  I tried for many years to help him address this inner shadow, as it became deeply damaging to our relationship, as well as affecting our children.

It is one of my greatest sadnesses in this whole affair, that he absolutely refused to address it, and instead chose to continue to numb and distract himself in ever increasing amounts, with alcohol, drugs and sex.

After over a decade of trying to help him, I gave up.  

Because he did not want to help himself.

His self-abusive behaviour was becoming increasingly outwardly abusive towards myself and our children.  He could not keep his own inner shadows contained any longer, and they spilled out in messy and damaging ways.

During all this, he managed to maintain a fairly stable public mask of happy, friendly, funny Dan, all while his inner demons tormented him relentlessly.  Only those of us that knew him REALLY well knew what was going on underneath.

After trying absolutely everything to maintain our relationship,  I finally made the decision to break up with him, at the end of 2019.

Dan knew that “2020 VISION” would not simply disappear.  This was a long-term family survival strategy that we had spent a decade planning due to external global events unfolding.  

And those global events were not going away, in fact they were accelerating and amplifying.  Just as I had predicted for so many years.

“2020 VISION” wasn’t just a holiday fantasy.  It was an agreement and a strategy made between two people to keep ourselves and our children safe.

The day we broke up, Dan asked me to give him 3 months notice before I left the country with the children, so that he had enough time to organise his affairs and come with us.

(For the record, he received 8 months notice instead)

At that point we had TWO sea-going boats, but neither could cross an ocean.

We also had debt that needed paying off.  We collectively decided to sell the smaller boat, that all 3 of our children were born on, to pay off part of the debt.  Dan chose to keep The Kraken, as it was unfinished, and he wanted to finish it so that he could sell it at a greater profit.  This is how we had progressed through 4 boats and built up greater assets - buy old boats, do them up, sell them for more.

He knew I was looking to buy an ocean-crossing yacht with my share of our assets, and then I found ‘Asperida’, a copper-nickel hulled blue-water ketch, berthed in Guatemala.

It was February 2020 and I could feel a massive impending global catastrophe looming.

I was with him on the day that I needed to make the decision on whether to buy her or not.  I showed Dan her history and hull survey and we both deemed her to be a good investment.

I asked him, “Shall I do it ?  Shall I buy her ?”

He thought about this for a moment, then said “Do it !”

He gave me his blessing to go ahead with the yacht purchase, knowing that this was a stepping stone to executing “2020 VISION” and escaping the UK.  

And it was February 2020. 

Time was up.

We all know what happened next.  March 2020. The world was turned upside down.  

All the things that I had been telling Dan for years would happen, happened.

Global lockdown ensued. 

Civil rights were revoked. 

Tyranny prevailed.  

Psychological warfare was inflicted upon the people of the world by their governments.

The West took the brunt of these totalitarian measures.

Sailors fared badly due to the global nature of lockdown restrictions.  They were either locked into or out of countries.  Food was a problem.  Sailing was not the ideal evasion tactic that I had envisioned it to be.  The survival strategy needed refinement.

Winter 2020 was looming and I knew that all Northern Hemisphere governments would use this to bring in harsher lockdown restrictions than the first round of lockdown measures.  I feared mandatory vaccination protocols coming in, as well as a lock-in border restriction.  I asked Dan if I could take the children to Guatemala for winter, to watch and wait from afar to see what the UK government did, because I didn’t trust them in the slightest.  He agreed.

Well, the mass execution of the elderly, totalitarian lockdown measures, and the introduction of mass vaccination with an untested experimental gene-editing technology convinced me that my instincts had been spot on, and that I wanted to be as far away from the UK as possible.

When the UK government brought in mandatory vaccination for care workers and health care workers, it was a deal-breaker, and Dan and I both knew that we would not be returning from Guatemala anytime soon.

This breach of the Nuremberg Code was one very big step too far for me, and there was no way I was going to come back to a country that thought human medical experimentation on adults and children without informed consent was ok.  Fascism reigned.  I considered myself and the children to be in a state of evacuation.

At the same time, like a blessing from the Universe, I sold Asperida, invested the money into Crypto, made a killing and bought an off-grid house with land and many established food crops at the bottom of a volcano in Guatemala, with Bitcoin.

I immediately started home-steading, growing more food, learning how to keep chickens, as I knew that Covid was just the first domino to be pushed in the choreographed and intentional collapsing of Western Civilisation and all the infrastructure needed to maintain it, in order to bring in totalitarian global governance.

Looming into the not-too-distant future was food system collapse, energy collapse, financial collapse. 

This is also now playing out for all to see clearly.

I begged Dan to come to Guatemala, to see the difference in freedom/tyranny compared to the UK.  I paid for two of his plane tickets, his lodging, I even offered to give him a piece of my land, to build on and do whatever he wanted with.

After a year of begging him to come here, he finally agreed to sell The Kraken.  The piece of land next door to my house came up for sale, and he considered buying it, if and when the boat sold.

He came to visit us in Guatemala 4 times, each time bringing more of the children’s possessions, getting clearer on his plan to move, and becoming more involved in our community here.

But the inner shadows were taking their toll on him.  It seemed like the closer to coming he got, the more powerfully his shadows sought to sabotage him.

He got messier and messier each time he came to visit, until he was losing his ability to parent his children responsibly.

The children and I could all see him sliding down this vortex into a dark abyss.

Dan had spent the years from 2020 to 2022 spinning a tale to everyone in the UK about my abduction of the children.

I’m pretty sure he never told any of you about “2020 VISION”.

Ultimately, when push came to shove, I carried out the plan that we both planned together for over a decade, and his co-dependencies and addictions pulled him down to his death before he could come and join us.

I am telling you all this to help you to understand that there is much more to this story than you have been told, by a man who was torn between doing the right thing by his family, and submitting to the control of his own inner darkness. 

He chose to publicly use the narrative of blaming me because it was so much easier than to own up to his own inability to face his own demons.

I always thought changing the name of our Big Boat from ‘Never Perfect’ to ‘The Kraken’ was a bad idea.

Why would you name your boat after a mythological sea-monster that pulls ships and sailors down into the deep dark depths to their deaths ?

Kraken Rum was also a regular tipple of pirate grog on our boat, which was equally as unhelpful for feeding Dan’s alcoholic demon.

Despite our break up, I never gave up hope that Dan would eventually make good on his end of the deal, to help me raise our children wherever in this world was the best option for making it through the global apocalypse that is now in full swing.

I also never gave up hope that he would eventually confront the darkness that lead him to such self-destructive behaviour through his use and abuse of alcohol, drugs and women.

I now mourn the man who I have loved for so long, the father of my children, my pirate ship-mate and soul-mate in many life-times of topsy turvy adventures.

You know nothing of our Souls Journeys together.  

Our Promises and Agreements made to one another.

But now you know a little more, perhaps.

Judge ye not, lest ye be judged. 

Predictions And Prophesies

I would like to share a poem that I wrote with another pirate friend of mine, Richard King, approximately 17 years ago…

Chronicles of the Lockdown Pirates

Once upon a time

In Little Britain,

Came a day 

That was terror-ridden.

The people went crazy,

The police got tough.

The government decided

Enough was enough.

So they’re closing down the borders

And locking down the streets,

And sending in the troops

The people, to defeat.

But the pirates set sail

And they headed for the ports.

And exodus of people,

To freedom they resort.

From Lockdown Babylon

They choose to leave.

Just keep on looking forward,

No time to grieve.

So here’s the plan,

And here’s the ploy,

Just head to the Humber

And look for the buoy.

Keep the island to your right,

That’s the key,

Then under the bridge

And out to sea.

So where we’re heading to

Is anybody’s guess,

But if you wanna cruise

Right outta this mess,

Then gather at the buoy 

When the lockdown comes,

Cos rats jump ship

When the ship goes down.